Right now I am having probably the toughest time I've had since my surgery. The urge to eat and not exercise is ALMOST overwhelming. We are going through some very difficult situations right now and they are are several different fronts. It is very scary not to be in a regular routine with my life and my food. It totally freaks me out! I am also scared by the fact that I really haven't felt like running. I did run tonight and it was a fantastic run! I am so happy to have had a good run. So, I am trying to take it one day at a time and to keep focused on doing what I have been doing so far. Does the food demon ever completely go away? I'm thinking it is always waiting for the opportunity to rear it's ugly head.

So, it is a bit of a contrast but I've have had moments of laziness and thanfulness lately when it comes to exercise.

Sometimes I think it would be so nice to just sit on the couch and relax. At times I really don't want to make the effort to be active and would like to go back to my old inactive self. Of course, I don't want the consequences of what goes with the lifestyle, so I keep up my exercise!:)

Yesterday, I did a 6 mile run in Central Park. It was a beautiful evening here and I was so grateful to be able to get out and run. It was one of the runs where I was extra aware of how thankful I am to have lost all weight and to be able to get out and enjoy a run on a beautiful night. So, it is this mind set that I try to keep rather than the one that would like to be lazy.

Last night I watched Big Medicine. It was great to see the support the women on the program received from their husbands. It reminded me of my dear husband. I am so fortunate that Rodney is my biggest supporter. He has been there for me through everything; from the gastric bypass surgery, to plastic surgery to supporting my efforts to run the NYC marathon. His support has meant more than anything to me in this journey and I don't know that I could have done it without him! I hope I tell him enough how special he is to me!

So, the struggle with weighing continues. I am now weighing myself 3 times a week. It seems to be helping; my focus on the number is lessening. Now it seems I am developing the opposite problem, I find now that when it my day to weigh I am a little reluctant to get on the scale. I think it is a bit of the old "ignorance is bliss" concept. It is incredibly strange to me that I have gone from being panic stricken over weighing only 3 days a week to feeling some disinterest.

Sunday I had a 15k race in Central Park. I know I love to run, it is so amazing to be able to run after I had gotten to the point where walking was difficult. What I didn't realize was how happy I look when I am running. Rodney took some pictures during the run and I look happy even when I didn't know he was taking pictures. Who would even have thought that running would make me happy?:)

Since my lower body lift, I have been having problems with obsessing over gaining weight. I have reached a weight and a size that surpasses my dreams. I never imagined that I would be fitting into clothes that are a size 6, 8 or 10. So, everything should be great now, right? Instead I am constantly worried that I will gain the weight back.

Since my gastric bypass surgery I have been a daily weigher. I have felt that this helps keep me on the straight and narrow. I have gotten used to the daily fluctuations in my weight and I thought I was ok with them. However, before my recent vacation, my weight went up three weeks in a row. I wasn't doing anything differently and I was concerned that the upward momentum wouldn't stop. I decided not to change anything until after vacation and then see what happened. So, while I was on vacation I lost 3.5 pounds of the weight I gained prior to vacation.

Since this has been going on for a while, I decided to see somebody to discuss this issue and see if I can get some peace around this issue and just enjoy my weight loss. The suggestion I got was that daily weighing might not be the thing for me. I'm not sure if I agree with this, but I am willing to give it a try in the hopes that it will help. Realizing my panic over the thought of not weighing every day, it was suggested that I pick one day not to weigh myself. I picked today as the day. A little while ago, I was walking down the hall and I thought to myself, I feel thin. Had I weighed myself this morning and found that I was up I probably never would have had this moment. Maybe, there is something to not weighing every day??

This is a great question that I recently saw posted on a message board. After so many failed attempts at dieting what makes wls surgery work?

I think that what worked for me was that in the beginning you lose weight. You can't eat much after the surgery, so there is no doubt that this will cause you to lose weight. Yes, I was sceptical in the beginning and worried that I would be the one it doesn't work for. I found that as I started to have success with my weight loss in a way that I never did before, it fueled me on to greater success. In addition, the early months give me an opportunity to change my habits that I never really had before because I didn't experience hunger the way I did as a pre-op. In addition to the change in my eating, I've lost enough weight that I can exercise at an intensity that I never could before. I think this has been a contributing factor for me as well.

Additionally, I think I really hit rock bottom before the surgery. The weight was started to take a toll on my health, both physical and emotional. I believe a big part of the success has been a commitment to remembering where I can from and participating in support groups. I always try to make my surgeon's support group. I think it helps keep me focused on what I need to do to make this surgery a success. I find it very helpful to meet with others who share similar battles.